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Wednesday, October 22, 2014 14:37

Happy Birthday Matilda Beast (yesterday)

devil dog

Matilda Beast is one year old.

Her first birthday was yesterday, August 22.

The reason I’m posting it today instead of yesterday is that I’ve been walking around the last few weeks thinking she was born on the 23.  This kind of subtle trickery is classic Matilda.

Sure she looks cute and sweet, but so do I.  She’s actually a demon devil dog of epic proportions.  Our horns are locked in an eternal struggle of evil vs evil.

She’s destructive.  She leaves a trail of garbage and filth in her wake.  She hides things from me.  She can fly (multiple times I’ve found her with objects that I specifically put up high so she couldn’t get to them.  I’ll move chairs and things away from tables only to find her up on the table later anyway.)  She marks her territory and she thinks everything is her territory.  She bites and bullies me.   She abhors the telephone so I haven’t had a bark-free conversation in months.  She hates noise in our complex and she’s constantly alerting me that we’re under siege due to alarming sounds that only she can hear.  She’s a succubus who feeds off my energy so she never needs sleep and she’s sure that it’s her job to keep me awake if she’s awake.

And worst of all, she acts like a total sweetheart when friends come over, leading them to believe my rants against her are the rants of a paranoid, delusional maniac.

So happy birthday Matilda Beast.  I know the devil sent you to me because you were making Hell unlivable.

Baby Matilda, less than three months old

Baby Matilda, less than three months old

Monster!

Monster!

 

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5 Responses to “Happy Birthday Matilda Beast (yesterday)”

  1. But look at that face! How could she possibly be…

    Wait… it’s always the ones you least expect.

    Yeah, she’s clearly demonic.

    Hidden cameras to catch her flying?

  2. Hal says:

    Aw, what a sweetie!

  3. barbara says:

    Even though I am late I have to say happy birthday to the Mattie Beast. I am sure she could never be as bad as you described- you are probably just misinterpreting her attempts for attention. After all look how cute she is…….

  4. Chris says:

    My ears have never been cleaner.

  5. Sue Gardner says:

    She is adorable haha! If you are interested we are having a halloween fancy dress online photo show for dogs this month, its on my website and free to enter just a bit of fun. Having trouble getting folk to join in! we normally dress up the clients and take pics but we thought we’d let the humans join in this time :) btw if ever I’m on the phone my labrador sits on me. heavily.

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